Why Your Child Doesn’t Listen (And What Islam Teaches Us)

Does your child ignore you when you ask them to do something? Do you sometimes wonder, “Why doesn’t my child listen?” You’re not alone.

Every Muslim mom has faced this challenge. It’s frustrating, it’s draining, and it can even make you question whether you’re failing as a parent. But the truth is, Islam provides timeless guidance for these very struggles.

In this article, we’ll explore why your child doesn’t listen and what Islam teaches us about handling stubbornness, discipline, and love. You’ll learn how to guide your child with wisdom, patience, and mercy, while keeping your heart connected to Allah.

“Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock.” (Bukhari, Muslim)

That responsibility can feel heavy, but with the right mindset and Islamic tools, you can raise children who listen—not out of fear, but out of love and respect.

Relying on Allah in Parenting

Raising children in Islam is not just about clever strategies or good schools. Guidance comes only from Allah. Ibn Muflih wrote:

“The parents are to discipline their children, but righteousness comes from Allah.” (Al-Adab Ash-Shar‘iyyah 3/552)

Many parents rely on their knowledge, discipline, and environment. But if Allah leaves us to our own devices, we cannot succeed. Remember the dua the Prophet ﷺ made every day:

“O Ever-Living, O Self-Sustaining, by Your mercy I seek help; rectify all my affairs and do not leave me to myself even for the blink of an eye.” (al-Hakim; sahih by al-Albani)

This is a reminder to us moms: don’t carry the burden alone. Yes, we must take action, but always with tawakkul (reliance on Allah).

Learn how to raise righteous children here »

Why Your Child Doesn’t Listen: Common Reasons

Before rushing to discipline, pause and ask: Why is my child ignoring me? In most cases, children aren’t trying to be “bad.” Often, listening problems stem from:

• Feeling misunderstood or criticised too often.

• Seeking attention or testing limits.

• Immaturity, impulsivity, or simply being absorbed in play.

• A learned habit of tuning out when parents repeat instructions.

Children are also deeply sensitive. Constant criticism can make them resentful. A stubborn child may feel alienated and start rebelling.

Islamic parenting reminds us that listening starts with connection. When children feel loved, respected, and understood, they are more likely to obey.

Handle Stubbornness with Wisdom

Responding to stubbornness with more stubbornness only escalates conflict. Imagine a tug-of-war: the harder you pull, the harder your child resists. But when you gently loosen your grip, the struggle ends.

Islam teaches us to respond with patience and deliberation:

• Ignore minor stubborn acts instead of engaging in battle (aka, pick your battles).

• Show compassion for your child’s feelings.

• Pair firmness with genuine care, so your child feels secure.

The Prophet ﷺ himself modeled patience even with children. Anas ibn Malik (RA) said:

“I served the Messenger of Allah for ten years, and by Allah he never said to me: ‘Why did you do this?’ or ‘Why didn’t you do that?’” (Bukhari, Muslim)

Avoid Verbal and Physical Mistreatment

Many parents slip into harsh words or hitting when frustrated. But Islam cautions us strongly.

Verbal Mistreatment

Words shape identity. Instead of labelling a child “lazy” or “liar,” connect the criticism to the action, not the person. For example:

• “You’re usually so organised—what happened here?”

• “You are honest, so how could you say something untrue?”

This affirms their character while correcting behaviour.

Physical Mistreatment

Severe hitting is forbidden. Even legal punishments (hadd) in Islam have strict conditions that reduce harm. Striking for discipline should never be harsh, humiliating, or vengeful. Scholars like al-Qurtubi noted it should be light, symbolic, and rare.

Mercy must guide discipline. As the Prophet ﷺ said:

“He is not one of us who does not show mercy to our young.” (Ahmad; sahih)

Acceptable Alternatives to Harsh Discipline

When your child doesn’t listen, you still need effective boundaries. Islam encourages just and balanced discipline. Alternatives include:

• Time-outs: One minute per year of age.

• Loss of privilege: Taking away screen time or a toy briefly.

• Star chart system: Rewarding good behaviour, removing stars for misbehaviour.

• Short-term deprivation: Like a 10-minute break from play.

These methods teach accountability without breaking trust. Overuse, however, makes punishment lose its effect—so balance is key.

Use Love as a Teaching Tool

Children need daily, unconditional expressions of love. Don’t reserve affection only for “good behaviour.”

Loving Words

Tell your children “I love you” often. Encourage and praise small efforts.

Physical Affection

Daily hugs, kisses, and gentle touches strengthen emotional security.

Involvement

Join their play, show interest in their hobbies, and share their joys.

The Prophet ﷺ gave us beautiful examples:

• He prolonged sujood because his grandson was riding his back (Nasa’i, sahih).

• He smiled at Anas (RA) when he resisted, turning correction into connection.

This is how love turns obedience into willing cooperation.

The Parent’s Responsibility

Children not listening is sometimes a reflection of parental neglect. Ibn al-Qayyim رحمه الله said:

“Most children’s deviance is because of their parents… failure to teach them the obligatory duties and the sunnah… helping him to pursue him whims… They think that they are being kind to the child, at the time when they are disgracing him.”(Tuhfat al-Mawdood, 229)

Our duty as parents is clear:

• Teach salah, Quran, and Islamic manners.

• Provide a safe, nurturing environment.

• Model patience and reliance on Allah.

If children grow up without guidance, they suffer—and parents share responsibility.

Practical Steps for Muslim Moms

To put this into action:

1. Begin with du‘a. Ask Allah for guidance every day.

2. Replace labels with encouragement.

3. Stay calm in the face of stubbornness.

4. Use structured consequences instead of harsh words.

5. Pour love into your children daily.

6. Reflect on your own behaviour—are you modeling what you ask of them?

Conclusion

So, why your child doesn’t listen? It’s rarely about “badness.” More often, it’s about connection, guidance, and patience. Islam teaches us to balance firmness with mercy, discipline with love, and action with reliance on Allah.

Your job isn’t to create perfect children. It’s to nurture their faith, character, and hearts while planting seeds of righteousness. Allah is the One who guides them.

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