Assalaamu alaykum, dear sister. Ever wondered how to deal with unfair parents in Islam… without snapping, sobbing, or secretly wanting to scream into a pillow? You’re not alone — not even close.

👉 So here’s the big question:
Can you still be a good Muslim and set boundaries with a parent who’s being completely unreasonable (and maybe slightly dramatic)?

The short answer is yes, but let’s unpack it with love, truth, and just the right amount of sass, in sha Allah 🤍

The Emotional Whirlwind: You Love Them… But Ya Rabb, It’s Hard

You might’ve been taught since birth:

“Paradise lies at the mother’s feet.”

Absolutely. But what if that mother is emotionally harsh, manipulative, or toxic? What if her du‘a sounds more like a curse than a prayer?

Here’s the truth: Islam does command kindness to parents — but it doesn’t ask you to be a doormat.

Even when parents behave unjustly, Islam gives you tools to honour them without harming yourself.

Let’s break it down step by step, mama 💛

Islam’s Command: Be Kind, Even When It’s Hard

Allah ﷻ says in Surah Luqman:

“But if they strive to make you associate with Me… obey them not, but accompany them in [this] world with kindness.” 📖 [31:15]

Imagine that — even idol-worshipping, pressuring parents are to be treated kindly. Now that’s next-level patience.

Key Point: Even if your parent sins or mistreats you, you’re still expected to behave with respect and grace — not blind obedience.

This isn’t toxic positivity. It’s mature, Islamic boundary-setting 💬

When It’s Okay to Pull Away (Yes, You Can!)

According to scholars like Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen رحمه الله, you’re allowed to distance yourself from your parent if:

• Staying with them harms your deen
• They actively pull you into sin 
• You’ve advised them gently and nothing changed
• You’re emotionally suffering in ways that harm your own ability to function 😞

But — and this is important — keep the door of kindness open.

Think:

• Checking in occasionally
• Making du‘a for them
• Sending gifts or messages 💌

Check this IslamQA Fatwa #2621

Sister, It’s Not a Sin to Protect Your Sanity

Setting boundaries is not rebellion.

It’s self-preservation.

You are not sinning when you:

• Choose peace over proximity
• Say no to verbal abuse
• Distance yourself from manipulative behavior
• Limit toxic interactions to preserve your well-being

“Repel evil with what is better; then he between whom and you there was enmity will become as though he was a close friend.”
📖 [Fussilat 41:34]

Sister, this verse isn’t just spiritual — it’s strategic.

How to Deal with Unfair Parents in Islam: Your Action Plan

Here’s your Deen + Dignity™ Toolkit:

1. Treat Them Kindly (Even if They’re Nasty)

• Lower your voice.
• Speak calmly.
• Don’t hurl insults — even in your head 😅
• Share reminders in a gentle tone.

2. Advise Them Gently — Not Like a Lawyer on TikTok

“Mum, I love you… but this hurts me. And Islam teaches us both better.”

Small reminders, softly delivered, go further than long lectures.

3. Step Back (If You Must), But Do It Beautifully

Distance without disrespect. A silent du‘a, a quick Salam over WhatsApp, or a care package dropped off without a visit — all count.

4. Keep the Du‘a Flowing

If they’re alive, there’s still hope. Your supplication can do what arguments never will 🌧️

“Peace be upon you. I will ask forgiveness for you from my Lord.”
📖 [Maryam 19:47]

 

But What If They Make Du‘a Against You?!

Don’t panic.

According to authentic fatwas, unjust du‘a against a child is not accepted if there’s no reason.

Allah is just, not petty. And He doesn’t accept oppression — not even from a parent.

💬 “[The prayers] of any of you will be answered, so long as he does not pray for sin or the breaking of family ties.” — Prophet Muhammad ﷺ (Sahih Muslim)

So if they pray harm upon you without reason — you’re not doomed. You’re protected.

Is This Just About Mothers?

Nope — this includes dads, uncles, stepmothers, and your mum’s nosy cousin who always “knows better.”

Islam requires justice, compassion, and truth in all relationships.

If someone close is toxic, you are not being sinful by creating emotional space — you’re being wise.

And remember:

“Obedience is only in what is right.”
📖 [Bukhari 6380, Muslim 1840]

When You Feel Lost, Come Back to This

You are allowed to:

• Say “no” to injustice
• Protect your children from harm
• Stop enabling abusive behavior
• Seek therapy or support
• Cry in sujood and leave it with Allah 🤍

You’re still a good Muslim. You’re still honouring your parents — just differently.

For the Mama Trying to Do It All…

Let’s be real. You’re raising little humans, healing generational trauma, learning your deen, and still trying to get dinner on the table before 9pm.

So if you’re struggling with unfair parents — give yourself permission to breathe.

Say this instead of overthinking:
“Ya Allah, I want to please You. Guide me to deal with them in a way that pleases You and protects me.”

And then… keep walking gently with your head high 💛

Want to Go Deeper?

Check out this source for more scholarly, detailed insights:
👉 IslamQA: How to Deal with a Misbehaving Mother in Islam

For uplifting resources designed especially for Muslim moms, browse this site:
www.fectiv.online

Final Du‘a for You, Sis

May Allah:
🤍 Soften the hearts of your parents
🌱 Strengthen your heart in patience
🤍 Protect you from harm — emotional and spiritual
🌱 Guide you to every choice that brings His pleasure
🤍 And reward you for every tear, every bite of your tongue, and every quiet act of kindness.

If this helped you, share it with another sis who’s navigating the same silent storm 💛