7 Ways to be a Successful Single Muslim Mom
I was a single Muslim mom who went through a lot and overcame many challenges. I have learned so much about life as a single parent and I hope I can help other moms out there.
My struggles with being a single Muslim mom
As a single mother, I had to learn how to balance deen, family and work. It wasn’t easy at first, but I am happy to say that I have overcome many obstacles and I am now living a happier life.
How I overcame these challenges
Being a single Muslim mom was challenging. But alhamdulillah, my father supported my children and me financially until I could support us. And I had Google to turn to for advice or guidance. But, it still felt like I had to figure everything out myself. There was always so much to do.
There are many things that I wish I knew before becoming a single mother. Here are some tips that I would share with other single mothers.
1) Don’t compare yourself to others. While you’re tired from work and kids, you wonder how everyone has it together. They don’t. People don’t lead perfect lives. Everyone is struggling with something or the other. Everyone is different and has their own set of circumstances. What they are pursuing in life may not be what you’re pursuing. What you are after (Jannatul Firdaws) is greater than their goals.
2) Do not let your emotions control you. If you feel angry, frustrated, sad, happy, or anything else, try your best to calm down and make duaa instead. It’s not easy. Being a single Muslim mom is no joke. But, I know that you have it in you. Since you are given this test, it means that Allah knew you are capable of handling it.
3) Don’t remarry for someone to come and save you. Remarriage cannot solve the problems that are already present at home. Loving and caring for yourself is still in your hands. Your children are still under your care. Be your own superhero. For more about what to do before you start looking to get married, check this video by Na’ima Robert.
If you decide not to get remarried, for now, protect yourself from Shaytaan’s whispers. And keep away from the wolves out there. (Because you’re too precious.)
At the same time, some women seem to have a bitter taste of marriage that puts them off getting married again. But all men are not the same. If you make duaa, Allah will give you the kind of man who would be most compatible with you. If you decide to pray istikharah and get remarried, I’d advise you to not have children earlier. Wait for a year, just in case. (Need to take extra precautions because you’re too precious.)
4) Deenwise, you might feel like you’re not doing enough. Your friends might talk about how many surahs they’ve memorised and how they make elaborate meals for Iftaar in Ramadaan. Don’t try to follow the crowd. Don’t try to do everything. Toss everything aside and think about what your priorities are as a Muslimah. Take one step at a time. Once you get your basics strengthened, you can gradually add more to your deen plate. Don’t forego your obligatory actions trying to pursue the voluntary ones.
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(End of ebook promotion. Back to the topic at hand.)
5) “Your children won’t be small forever. You need to make time for them.” You’ve heard this before. But with work and chores, how do you spend quality time with them without feeling tired? Don’t take work back home. When you’re home, be present and avoid entertaining work calls. Make a list of all the things that eat away your time. Do your chores WITH the kids and teach them how to get things done. That’s quality time too. Look at where your free time is going. Is it social media? Delete at least one of those apps today. Is it that one friend who wants your time all the time? Learn to say no. Remind yourself that your children need and want you in their lives. And they’re precious too.
6) Automate and delegate your chores as much as possible. If it’s not too important for the aakhirah/Hereafter, it’s probably not as important as you think. Having boiled eggs or an omelette for breakfast is ok. And it’s not a crime to have some fruits for lunch. And one of my brilliant friends gives her kids cereal for dinner. Do whatever you can to reduce your list of chores so that you can make time to build your aakhirah and help your children build theirs.
7) Single Muslim moms also suffer the stigma of being single mothers. People have their preconceived notions and make their own assumptions about your life and pass comments and judgements. Unwanted comments and judgements. They mmiigghhtt have good intentions. But it still doesn’t help and it can hurt because you’re not made of steel. The only way to deal with such people and their negative comments is to ignore them and stay as far away from them as possible. Not saying you need to cut ties. But if you can minimize contact with them, you will, in sha Allaah, feel mentally better.
I could go on and on. The struggles that single Muslim mothers go through are not light. No matter what anyone says, remember that you are strong and resilient. And so much more!
As a single Muslim mom, will you be willing to share some of your challenges and struggles? All you need to do is click here. I’d LOVE to know more about you and what could help other women like yourself.